The subtleties

The subtleties of life and trauma

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One day you think you've dealt with something, you have felt something

you have seen it, you have been with it

you have cried it out

with a deep understanding

you have come to a decision from that wholeness

a change in action, a change in character, a change in that pattern

a shift

And one day, you're standing at the same place but differently

barely noticeable

repeating the same patterns, in subtle ways

and you see it all over again

you can't believe that you doing it again

you can't believe that it's still playing out

you can't believe that you haven't moved on from that fully

you can't believe that it's still alive, breathing and playing

you can't believe that it wasn't fully integrated, wasn't fully healed

you can't believe that your unconscious mind is still carrying it, it still holds it

there's a feeling of tiredness just from all of this, the thinking

a feeling of "I haven't really changed"

maybe some hopelessness, a little disheartening

to see what you see

with all of that, you take a breath in

a deep inhale

you know all you have to do is show up

responding to what is

you're glad you can see the subtleties

you've come a long way from where you were

when the journey began

when it all started

you can see the pain and realize the cause

you can identify where you are abandoning or against yourself

you can recognize and bring light to the plays of the dark,

the shadows of the unconscious mind

you have gone from always pointing the finger, to facing yourself

you have a sight more piercing and defined

it can see things for what they are and find truth in the lies

it is a work of a lifetime

you get refined and refined

as long as you live

evolving and becoming fine

gates of consciousness opening and closing

sometimes you'll sleep in dark

and sometimes dance in the brightness of the light that sparks

Both are parts of this path

you live and you learn

you live and you learn

learn your truth

learn who you are

and there will always be more to know

more to see, more shadows, more plays

that's the nature of life

there's really nowhere to get, as we walk

but many places to reach and find peace within

so is the journey of awakening

so is the journey of life

Having walked this path for some time

I see that, I will find myself in the same places of the past

picking up the missing misses

going deeper into myself

it's not a failure but the process itself

it takes not one, not a few but many visits

to integrate something fully within myself

It is then, in the subtleties

Subtleties of life and subtleties of trauma.