Learning to be with myself

It's a process

learning to be with myself

the desire

the longing

the deep deprivation of the self

always somewhere else

I was

away from myself

people, a refuge

the empty well trying to fill itself

the well that could slake the parched and tired,

be the saving grace for the lost in the heat of the fires,

that well, is asking, needing, begging, waiting for these people

to offer it a droplet of water

forgetting what it is

forgetting the source that fills it

it looks to the outside

asking to be filled

everything it needs lies deeper

deeper within

so it's been tired

because it hasn't been with itself

it hasn't seen itself

it hasn't known itself

the deprivation is real

so is the pain

but the reason is the utter disconnection from its own self

so I "the lost well" want to be with myself

it's a process

to not call out in distress

asking for help

I don't know fully how to be with myself

all I have known is the other

I don't know who I am without the other

reflecting something back

I have identified with their images onto me

who am I truly

I want to know

without anyone around me

without getting lost in the people that surround me

I want to get to know myself

in aloneness

I don't want anybody else

but myself

and it's not easy but really hard

at times

when the old patterns kick in

the mind has withdrawal symptoms

of the old habits, the distractions used in the past

to fill the disconnection with the self

and all I have to do sit down, close my eyes and take a few deep breathes

very simple but it's the hardest thing to come back to myself

when the ego is in full effect

all I want is myself

and it's process

learning to be with myself